How to describe last night.
Let me start at the beginning. We noticed in our diary that we were supposed to be doing a late night show elsewhere. Not too bad we thought. We got to the venue. It was the same venue as our now legendary failure of a gig from last year.
Ok we thought. A good chance to put some ghosts to bed. Great. It'll be fun.
I don't think the word fun was uttered all night.
There were 14 acts on. That's right, 14 of them. It was as though they had got a copy of the brochure, set fire to it and rifled through the ashes to see what kind of disjointed show could be put together. And then decided to put us on 12th.
There were Shakespearean improvisers, there were singers in drag, there were acrobats and there was Paul Daniels.
That's the kind of night we were looking at. It was being held together by two performers who, in all fairness, seemed to have less idea what was going on then the performers did.
The show went up at about half past one and I can safely say the audience were outnumbered by the acts at about three to one. Acts were dropping out left right and centre. We felt too bad to leave so we tried to soldier on as things got weirder and weirder. This picture was taken of us at the interval.
The best thing about the photo was we asked the bar man who took it if it was ok and he said yes.
We look like we've been taken through a hazy fog. Or through a window. Or in the 1800's.
This guy was certainly no Mario Testino.
By this point we were falling apart. David had eaten no less than five packets of crisps. He was trying to overdose on potatoey badness to get him out of there.
It was almost our time to go on. Things couldn't have got any weirder.
Then a man walked in wearing a full Dorothy from Wizard of Oz costume.
Five gimp jaws dropped as the only sounds in the room were coming from a man murdering a musical classic and the constant friction of Judy Garland spinning in her grave.
Five minutes that we will never get back later and we were on. Fuck it we thought, let's do the bestiality song! They definitely weren't the crowd for it but by this point we were beyond caring.
It went pretty well! We did a good version and the people seemed to go with it. A good time to escape. They then decided to interview Matt and Paul. Here is a sample of that interview:
Weird woman host: "There are so many words. How do you remember them?"
Paul: "That's my job?"
Weird guy host: "You don't really do much do you?"
Needless to say we then grabbed our coats, jumped in a taxi and never looked back.
And that's the tale of our terrible gig (number one!).
Did we exorcise the demons of last year?
Well the gig was just as bad this year.
At least this time it wasn't our fault!
Am off to try and buy a Judy Garland costume. If you can't beat them...